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Source: blazebergLaughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
1 year ago
Women Laughing Alone With Salad
No, it’s not the name of a band. But this has pretty much got to be the greatest collection of the world’s most overlooked comedic snapshot moment. Title says it all (click on title for link.)
1 year ago
A guy goes into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what collateral he has, and he says, “I have a Rolls Royce. Here are the keys — you can keep it until the loan is paid off.”
Six months later the guy comes back and pays off the $200 loan, plus $10 interest. The loan officer says, “Here are the keys. If you don’t mind my asking, why would a man who owns a Rolls Royce need to borrow $200?”
The guy says, “I had to go overseas for six months. Where else could I store a Rolls Royce for $10?”
1 year ago
On the bus to Fisherman’s Wharf for some delish clam chowder- in a bread bowl, naturally. And of course, it’s pretty much a given we’re the teensiest bit out of it. ;)
1 year ago
Pretty fucking great. Last night we toked it up and (finally) watched Harry Potter. Wasn’t as great as I thought it might be but still pretty epic. Talked shit out with my boy and got my mind off of everything. Afterwards we went back to his brother’s apartment where we just drank and ate some good food while watching The Shining and falling asleep. Woke up to some pretty fucking amazing weather too. The best part? This is just the first full day.
*Edit
So we went to the tracks and attempted to learn how to bet on horses while getting drunk. Hot dogs and beer were only a buck each but the hot dogs were absolute shit so we just got buzzed off the cheap beer (Bud Light, no less.) We’re currently planning on going to watch Tron after smoking and we’ll see where the night takes us from there. Cheers!
1 year ago
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and asked, “May I see your driver’s license?”
The driver answered, “I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.”
The officer asked, “May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?”
The driver answered,”It’s not my car. I stole it.”
The officer asked, “The car is stolen?”
The driver answered, “That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.”
The officer asked, “There’s a gun in the glove box?”
The driver answered, “Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.”
The officer asked, “There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?”
The driver answered, “Yes, sir.”
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by! police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
The Captain asked, “Sir, can I see your license?” The driver answered, “Sure. Here it is.” It was valid.
The Captain asked, “Who’s car is this?”
The driver answered, “It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.” The driver owned the car.
The Captain asked, “Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?”
The driver answered, “Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.” Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
The Captain asked, “Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.”
The driver answered, “No problem.” Trunk is opened; no body.
The Captain said, “I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.”
The driver answered, “Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!”
